The IAP - Intention, Action, & Perception
How many times have we done things with the best of
intentions just to find ourselves in the worse of consequences?
Why does it feel that sometimes our words or actions, even
coming from a good place, seem to get lost in translations, and we end up with
unexpected fights rather than the expected good time?
These questions are actually not that difficult to answer; they
simply require that we become aware of the relationship between Intention,
Action, & Perception, or as A2C calls it: The IAP.
Intention → Action ← Perception
I – Intention is internal. Our
intentions are usually representative of our wants and our desired outcome, and
unless we tell others what our intentions are, they cannot see them.
A – Our intentions guide our actions. Different
from intention, action is external. That is, whereas people cannot see our
intentions, they can see our actions.
P – Perception is also an internal construct;
however, it is internal to the person receiving or observing the actions and
not the one giving it. People’s perceptions of our actions are based on their
own interpretations of such actions, which can lead to assumptions.
How does the IAP work?
Hold on to the idea that for every action
there is an intention. Thus, before taking an action, ask yourselves the
following questions:
· Does my actions correspond to my
intentions?
· What alternative actions are there for me
to achieve my intention?
· Although I cannot control the other
person’s perception of my actions, how could I better relay what my intention
actually is?
Using the IAP
Ex. 1: My intention is for my partner to listen to what I
have to say, my action is to speak louder than he is so he can hear me or to be
passive aggressive so he can see how frustrated I am. The perception of my
actions may be that I am not listening to my partner, that I do not care for what
he has to say, or that I am being disrespectful. The consequence would
probably be a fight, which is the complete opposite of my initial
intention.
Using the IAP in this scenario, I would
invite you to think the following:
· Does my action correspond to my intention?
o If I speak louder and in a passive
aggressive manner, will my partner hear what I have to say?
· What alternative actions are there for me
to achieve my intention?
o What if I tell him I am not feeling heard
and I would like to opportunity to tell him how I feel? I would probably need
to grant him the same in return.
o Maybe I could write a letter to sort my
thoughts and feeling and ask that he allow me to read my letter uninterrupted.
· Although I cannot control the other
person’s perception of my actions, how could I better relay what my intention
actually is?
o If I let my partner know my intention,
maybe he will be more receptive to my actions.
Ex. 2: My intention is to show my friend that I care
about her and that I support her no matter what. My action is to tell her that
she should leave her partner, especially since all she does is complaint
about her partner and how the partner is not treating her as she deserves. The
perception may be lack of support because my friend feels she has to
defend her partner. An unintended consequence could be a distance in
the relationship.
Use the IAP
· Does my action correspond to my intention?
o If I tell my friend to leave her partner, will she know that
I support her and that I am here for her?
· What alternative actions are there for me to achieve my
intention?
o What if I heard her and asked what she would like to do with
respect to her partner?
o What if I asked her what support she would like form me?
o What if I tell her that I am here no matter what?
· Although I cannot control the other person’s perception of
my actions, how could I better relay what my intention actually is?
o If I let her know that I am here for her, then she would know
to ask me when she needs me.
I hope this has been helpful. When in
doubt, try the IAP out!!
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