From Juggling to Balancing Life: Concepts, Strategies, and Coping Skills
In our lives we learn to juggle the multiple identities that make up who we are: daughters,
sons, mothers, fathers,
husbands, wives, partners,friends. bosses. employees, students,
teachers....
Just
stop and think for a moment,
how many identities do you
have? Take me for instance: I am
a daughter, a sister, a wife, a friend,
a therapist, a
boss, a student , an advocate ...a woman.
Most of
our identities are in relation to others, and each of them
have their own set of responsibilities attached.
For example, a working wife and mother has three identities right there: wife to her partner,mother to
her children, and
employee (not to count daughter, friend, potentially sister/PTA member..).The
question is.where is her relationship to self?
Sometimes we are so caught up juggling our responsibilities in
relation
to others that
we forget about
our responsibilities to ourselves.
So how
can we move from juggling to balancing?
Awareness: The
first thing is to
become aware of the different identities that
make up whom we
are and understand that their order of priority can be fluid.
Let's go back to the identities that make
up who I am: there are times within a day,or sometimes entire days,when being a therapist, business owner, and a PhD candidate take priority over the other identities, and I find
myself allocating more time and attention to the responsibilities associated to those
identities compared
to others. However, after a certain time of
the day, the order of priority may change. For instance, once
I get home my wife identity often takes priority and
I turn of working mode and spending time with my partner. Other times
I prioritize being Patricia. in which case I focus on my relationship to self.
Prioritize, Communicate, Share responsibilities: You
are awesome, but you are
also human!
Note which identities need to take priority today, this week, this month.
Once you are aware of them,communicate with your support
system (partner, family, friends, co- workers), allowing them to know what you would like or need from them.
Contrary to popular belief people cannot read minds, and when there is no communication all they can do is guess what you want or
need and act upon their guesses. The only problem with that is that
their guesses come from their wants and needs, which can be the complete opposite of what you would want or need.
Self-Care: Think of self-care as a want:
a way for you to strengthen your relationship to self.
You spend so much time thinking about your responsibilities to your family, your work, your friends, and your community that you deserve
your time for self. This is the most important relationship of all.To move from juggling
to balancing,we must learn to attend to self as much
as we do to others. A way of doing
so is
by implementing A2C's Need-To-Want ratio:
Need-to-Want Ratio: When we are juggling responsibilities,we tend
to focus
on what we need to do and often forget , overlook, or
even cancel
the things we want to do. This creates
a lack
of balance in our
lives. To
help bring balance back, A2C has developed the
Need-to-Want Ratio.
We have many needs in our
lives,which represent our responsibility, and we often sacrifice
the things we want to
do in order
to accomplish what we need to do. With
the Need-to-Want Ratio,you get to do both.
Start by determining the average number of
needs you would like to
accomplish to get a want.
You can do that
by creating a to-do list of
your needs either for the day or for the week.This list
allows you to prioritize your needs, track them
by check marking as you accomplished them, and implement a want in
between the
needs.
In
my case, I have
implemented
a 5:1 ratio. I know I want to go to the gym, eat healthy, and be able to have time to enjoy my coffee. I usually try to start the
day with a want by going to the gym before heading to work. After accomplishing
5 needs from my to-do list, I allow myself to have another
want
and go to a cafe where I can
eat a delicious
parfait while
listening to
music. Afterwards, I return to my needs, and
once I have accomplished another 5
of them, I get to take another
break
to have my coffee.
The needs or wants may be
big or small and the ratio can fluctuate, but what's important is to make sure that we
implement a balance in our lives.
I hope
these have
been helpful. Remember, you have the ability to choose which identity you
want or need to prioritize, even
when it feels like that choice is
being taken away or seems to be non-existent, it is there and it is yours.
Article written by Patricia Timerman, LMHC, LMFT, NCC and Executive Director of Advocate2Create
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